Yes, Jake, I have chosen the role of Paris. Your wife is Helena and I have taken her. Enjoy the sights of Sparta, Aphrodite has guaranteed this elopement.
Well, listen, she's not the prettiest, but isn't that all the more fitting for a simulacrum epic? Truly, a trailerpark Trojan War.
Thanks for the source pics by the way. Opening the doors of Sparta, so to say. Paris was invited when Helena left.
You said you need more puns, so I made some for you to mull over - puns are all you have left, after all.
